Went on a walk with Appa and Koko tonight. Just before, I tried to express how bad I was feeling about my anxiety, which had been going on for a while, mostly with people. He walked over to the couch in the living room and stated without remorse that I needed to exercise, eat right, and go on the computer less. He turned on the TV and flipped through channels. I didn't like it. So I just grumbled, "You say that like it's easy..." and stopped talking. Sniffling and tearing ensued from more self-pitying thoughts crashing in my mind like waves. I couldn't focus on my already tardy and terrible Expos paper so I sent it as is to my professor and apologized for the nonsense she will read. I also expressed self-pity in the e-mail, as an excuse for my poor time management and lack of focus. Anyway, Appa finished watching TV and came to the kitchen, where I was sitting at the table in front of the laptop. He asked if I'd like to join him for a walk with Koko. I said sure. The first 5 minutes was quiet. Then I began by asking Appa why he took me to see the psychologist when I was younger. He hesitated, and said that my teacher suggested I go see one to figure out why I wasn't doing well in school. He said she was probably overreacting but I thank her for noticing. The psychologist said I was just too shy. From there on, I told him about how I felt uncomfortable around Komo at her house and that I hated it. I used to be able to talk to her about anything and suddenly I shut up and don't even look her in the eyes. The awkwardness is terrible and I loathe it. He heard everything I said and repeated what he said before. That I should make a schedule, and follow it. That if I'm not comfortable with myself, then I won't be comfortable with anyone. I took his advice begrudgingly and didn't say anything. I never know what to say when people give me advice. It's another one of those awkward moments for me.

I just watched Jane Eyre and cried. I've never cried to a romance movie like I did just now. It's good to feel again. Before, I would've tried to look at things from a strictly objective and masculine point of view and say, "This is such a chick flick." I loved this movie. I wish I'd read the book before watching it. She's such a strong-willed, independent female character that I inspire to be like her. I then wondered how other people would treat me if I respected myself more. Likewise, probably.